Willis's and Taima's 50th Wedding Anniversary
by cocoacoconuts24
Summary: For as long as Eva and Neil have been friends, they've always maintained an unspoken, precarious boundary between them that's kept them at a comfortable arm's length from each other. As long as they never cross that boundary, their friendship will survive. In this story, someone crosses that boundary.
1. Act 1

_Falling for someone is like getting on a rollercoaster that's hurtling full speed toward a brick wall._

* * *

Eva stepped out onto the patient's front porch, her arms aching under the weight of the Sigmund Corp machine. She felt guilty for all the times she's made Neil carry the thing.

"Thank you once again for everything you've done for my grandfather," said a quiet, mournful voice behind her.

"It's been an honor to serve you," whispered Taima. She exchanged warm handshakes and smiles to the family at the doorway. Eva smiled and nodded while her arms burned.

The family waved at them before shutting the door.

Taima immediately turned to Eva.

"So, Willis called me and suggested roses for our centerpieces, but I told him I'm more of an orchid person. But then he told me orchids were expensive, and then it became this whole thing..."

At the drop of a hat, Taima lightened the mood like flood lights in a dark closet. This was their fifth mission together, and Eva still hadn't gotten used to it.

Taima prattled on as the two returned to the car parked on the street.

"So, Eva! I've a favor to ask you. I've been asking everyone in the office this same thing."

Eva nearly dropped the machine into the trunk. She groaned. At least she could call today her "arm day".

"Sure. What's up?" she panted.

The two got into the car. Taima grinned at Eva from the passenger's seat like a little girl at a sleepover.

"What's your ideal wedding song?"

"Wedding song? I'm not getting married," said Eva.

"But what _would_ your wedding song be if you _were_ getting married? We're asking our friends and coworkers for their wedding songs. We'll compile them into a playlist, which we'll have the DJ play throughout the evening!"

Eva started the car and peeled out of the street.

"Hmm...I dunno. Songs like that tend to be pretty personal things."

"But you do have one?"

"Well..." said Eva. She didn't think she'd be sharing this with Taima. "Kinda? Maybe? I'm not sure if I want it played at your anniversary, though."

"Why not? We're not trying to steal your thunder or anything; we just want everyone to share in our love!"

"Oh, I love the concept. Don't get me wrong!" said Eva. "It would just be oversharing on my part."

"What do you mean?"

"I..." Damn, Taima was nosy. "I just want to keep this song to myself until I feel right sharing it with...the right person."

"Ah, I see. Completely understand," Taima gave a kind smile.

Eva discreetly sighed with relief.

The truth was that if Eva's wedding song played at Taima's and Willis's 50th wedding anniversary in front of all their coworkers, it would reveal a bit too much to -

"Is Neil coming to the party?" Taima resumed.

Eva's stomach clenched again. Is Taima reading something on Eva's face?!

"No clue. I haven't seen Neil in...wow, over a month now," said Eva, casually. "All I know is that he's been on some top-secret assignment from Rob, and locks himself in the office all day - including lunch."

"Hmm. He hasn't RSVPed yet. That boy can be such a slacker," said Taima.

"Don't I know it," said Eva, rubbing her aching biceps.

Taima cast a sideways grin at Eva. "You must miss him," she said.

Eva stopped at a light and looked out her window to avoid Taima's searching gaze. Eva shrugged. "It's nice to get a break from his snark every once in a while."

But in fact, Eva did miss him. A lot. If it were anyone else, she would've called him - asked him to hang out after work.

But this was Neil. She knew how much he hated clinginess, despite being rather clingy himself. He was never one to put up with over-attachment or sentimentality. Being his friend all these years had been something of a tightrope walk, but Eva's gotten used to respecting this peculiar boundary of his.

"You oughta let him know," said Taima.

"Let him know what?"

"That you miss him. That's all."

Eva kept her eyes out of the window. "He'd barf if I said something like that."

Taima shrugged. "So? It's the truth, isn't it? Let him barf. Sometimes expressing yourself is more for your benefit than anyone else's."

Eva looked at Taima, who gave her a warm, motherly smile. Taima - the happily married woman about to celebrate her fiftieth anniversary with her high school sweetheart. Taima meant well with her unsolicited advice, but there was also nothing at stake for her relationship.

Well...Then there was the truth. She missed Neil. She really did.

"So, did you guys ever figure out the whole centerpiece thing? Orchids sound nice," said Eva, as the light turned green.

* * *

Eva and Taima returned to the Sigmund Corp office in the late afternoon. Eva yawned as she returned to her office. She figured she might as well pack up to go home, and send the mission report tomorrow.

As Eva shouldered her purse and reached for the door knob-

 _Knock knock knock knockknockknockknockknockknock-_

She opened the door. There was no one.

The strangest mixture of suspicion and hope swelled up in her chest.

"Hmm, no one there!" said Eva, a little loudly. She draped her coat, purse, and hat over the coat rack on wheels so that it looked like a person.

"Welp! Time to go!" said Eva, cheerfully. She pushed the coat rack "person" out the door.

"NINJA STRIKE!"

A nerd launched himself at the coat rack! CRASH!

Eva tried not to laugh as she watched the flailing, confusion, and metal hitting shins.

"Ninjas don't yell when they attack, stupid. That's like ninja rule number one. And I'm pretty sure they don't tackle people either," she mocked over all the commotion. "How is it that I know more about ninjas than you do?"

Neil Watts scrambled to his feet, somehow wearing the coat, hat, and purse.

"First of all, I come from a really innovative line of ninjas," he said. "Second of all...shut up."

Eva's smirk grew into a grin. She couldn't help it. It was really him.

"Well, hello, stranger," she said. "That's a cute purse. Where'd you get it?"

"Um, excuse me, it's called a man's purse - a "murse", if you will. It's all the rage in men's fashion today. And I stole it from a friend."

"You don't mean me, do you?"

"Oh please, you couldn't pull off this look in a million years." Neil strutted like a model down the hall. Robert opened his office door just as Neil walked past.

"Nope. Mm-mm. Not today-" Rob muttered as he shut himself back in.

Neil looked back at Eva and shrugged. Eva laughed. It was as if no time had passed since the last time they had seen each other over a month ago.

"C'mon, let's go get some ice cream for dinner. My treat," said Neil, digging out Eva's wallet from her purse.

"Wh- Hey!" Eva ran after him.

* * *

"Wedding anniversary?" sputtered Neil, after a mouthful of ice cream.

"Uh, yeah. Willis's and Taima's fiftieth anniversary. Did you RSVP? ...Well actually, I guess that's a no, then," said Eva, stabbing her side of the sundae with her spoon.

"People actually RSVP in this day and age? Don't people just show up?"

"I think that's just you..."

They were the only ones sitting in the old-fashioned ice cream parlor. It was a chilly Thursday night in the middle of autumn, after all. The owner looked grateful for the scant bit of business, and gave them some extra toppings.

Eva loved her salted caramel, while Neil was more of a mint chocolate chip guy. They had combined the two into the same sundae, which ended up being an odd pairing.

"Sooo, are you going or not?" asked Eva.

"Mmm, not sure. I've got a ton of work to do, and weddings aren't my thing."

"It's not a wedding; it's a wedding anniversary."

"Ugh, still. All that love in the air. M'iright?" said Neil. His smirk flickered when he saw Eva's disappointed face.

"I dunno. I think it'd be fun," Eva said quietly with a shrug.

"Well, what's stopping you? You don't need me to go. I say party it up, girl!"

Eva took another bite of salted caramel ice cream. The mint had started to corrupt the flavor. Why did they get a sundae together?

"Oh, hold on. Is _that_ why Taima's been asking people for their wedding songs?" said Neil.

"Yeah, it seems like they're making a playlist of everyone's wedding songs to play during the party. I didn't give mine, though," said Eva.

"Wait, _you_ have a wedding song?" mocked Neil. "You're not even engaged. You're not even seeing anyone. You don't even have cats. You're so very alone."

"Yes, thank you, Neil."

"So, spill it. What's the song?"

"I...You don't want to know," muttered Eva, turning red.

"Oh my God, is it something embarassing?" said Neil, his evil grin widening. He leaned forward. "Now you _have_ to tell me!"

Eva looked at his eager, childish face. As much of a giant tool Neil could be, she really did miss this - their banter, their teasing, their intense curiosity in the other's life. She got to matter to Neil again; it was only just starting to hit her.

She remembered her conversation with Taima in the car.

"Can I tell you something else instead?" said Eva.

"Ok...

She could see his green eyes behind his glasses for once. She loved the color green.

She almost told him she missed him.

Almost.

"I've had feelings for you for a long time now," she whispered.

Stillness.

This was it. The truth. This was the moment everything Eva and Neil were for over a decade came to an end.

Suddenly, Eva was very aware of her heartbeat. An electricity coursed through her veins. She dug her fingernails into her knees under the table to keep her senses grounded; she felt light-headed enough to float away.

Neil's eyes disappeared behind his reflective glasses again, all traces of mirth gone.

"Um...Wow. Ok..." he croaked.

He looked as though he was calculating his next words. No, he looked like he was in pain.

"Eva," he finally said, as if he struggled to push each word out of his mouth. "We're...not right for each other...Not in that way. We know each other well enough to know that."

Eva unstuck her throat. "What do you mean?"

"Think about it. Do you honestly think you and I fit together? I have a pathological aversion to romance and you're a closeted hopeless romantic. In fact, I'm willing to bet you're closeted because of my aversion."

Eva could only stare at the melting ice cream. The salted caramel and mint chocolate chip had melted together into a kind of homogenous soup. It probably tasted disgusting now.

Neil sighed. "Look, I know how you feel."

Eva felt a patronizing sting. "Do you really? I thought I was the romantic one."

Neil looked down, as if steeling himself.

"I've been in love with you for years," said Neil.

Eva's mouth fell open.

"I've watched you fall in love before" said Neil, referring to Eva's ex-boyfriend, Craig. "When you're really in love, you're very open about it. You're passionate, you're uninhibited, you _thrive_. And that's partly because Craig was just as sappy as you are...But with me, you're different. Not necessarily in a bad way...but it's like night and day."

"What're you saying?" said Eva. "That I'm not actually in love with you?"

Neil looked out the window, pensive. "I don't know," he finally said. "Either you're not in love with me or you're in love with the wrong person."

He looked at Eva. She racked her brains for a way to counter, but her mind drew a blank. There was nothing in her head but static. Did she make a horrible mistake?

"You said you were in love with me," said Eva. "What made you so sure?"

"Well, it's been over ten years, and the feeling hasn't faded," Neil said with a sad smile. "But watching you fall in love made me realize; you wouldn't be happy with me, and I wouldn't be happy with anyone. So I decided I didn't want that kind of relationship with you, because the last thing I want is for us to grow unhappy with each other."

"But...we love each other. Supposedly," sputtered Eva. "You do understand why I'm confused, right?"

"Look, just because two people love each other doesn't mean they're compatible," said Neil, matter-of-factly. "It takes more than 'love' for a romantic relationship to be worth it. It takes work and compromise and compatibility...It's a laborious undertaking. See, not enough couples use their heads before getting together. They just rush right in without thinking. That's why their relationships turn into trainwrecks. And that's what we are, Eva: guaranteed trainwrecks. We're not Willis and Taima, who just...won the lottery with each other. But at least we can see the potholes ahead of time and choose not to drive down that road; we're smarter than that. We can avoid this trainwreck."

Eva lost the nerve to look Neil in the eye. She could only stare at the melted ice cream. A wave of shame descended upon her and sat heavy in her chest. This was the worst. She made a mistake. This is what happens when she shows the slightest bit of vulnerability to Neil. She not only gets a lecture on the truth, but the coldest, harshest version of the truth, which she can never refute. He was right. Her feelings for Neil _were_ different than her feelings for her ex-boyfriend Craig, whom she had loved passionately in the past.

Perhaps they would've been better off if she had respected that sacred boundary between them that kept their friendship alive - if she had remained a closeted romantic.

She knew this was coming; it's happened time and time again. Yet here she was. Why didn't she ever listen to herself?

"Hey..." murmured Neil. His arm twitched forward as if to reach out to her.

"So, are you going to the anniversary or not?" said Eva, already dead.

"What? Oh, uh...Probably not..."

"Cool. I'll see you at work on Monday," said Eva, standing up. "Or...actually, I'll see you whenever you're done with whatever you're doing. Whenever that is."

She left the shop.

The sundae melted.

To be continued...


	2. Act 2

_Falling for someone is like getting on a rollercoaster that's hurtling full speed toward a brick wall. You see the brick wall in front of you. You know it's going to hurt when you crash into it. But somehow, stupidly, you hit the 'Go' button anyway. And you launch forward at full speed. The wall rushes toward you. You can't stop._

* * *

 **JOIN US**

~in celebrating~

 **Willis**

and

 **Taima's**

 _ **50th Anniversary!**_

A hand-lettered sign indicated the correct ballroom at the Grand River Hotel in downtown. A giant board covered in photos of Willis and Taima, ranging from their high school senior prom to last year's company Halloween costume contest (they came in banana suits), sat next to the sign-in table.

"Hi there! Can I get a name?" smiled the teenage girl working the sign-in table.

"Roxanne Winters!" chirped the chipper Roxie, looking resplendent in her icy blue dress. "And this is my fiancé, Rocky! Roxie and Rocky - that's us!"

"Table six," said the teenager, handing out the programs.

* * *

"Eddie. Eddie Doyle," said Eddie, affecting a silky voice. "And this here's my 'plus-one', Phoebe."

"Table six."

"Aww man, we're next to the speakers. I'm really sensitive to bass," Eddie groaned.

* * *

"Logan, party of nine," said Logan, leaning on the table. The top third of his silk shirt was unbuttoned.

The teenager turned red. "Er...And what're their names?"

Logan turned to the gaggle of women behind him and pointed at each one in turn. "Siobhan, Sh'vonne, Shavon, Chevon, Chiffon, Chyvaughn, Sheighvawn, and Barbara."

The teenager gaped, stunned. "...Table seven."

* * *

"Robert Lin and Mindy Lin," said Robert, an old woman's arm hooked around his.

"Robert Lin..." said the teenager, as she scoured the guest list.

"His name is Dr. Robert Lin, and you shall address him as such!" Mindy snarled.

"Mother, behave yourself!" hissed Robert.

"Uh, table seven," said the teenager.

* * *

"Eva Rosalene," said Eva, smoothing out her midnight blue dress.

"Any guests with you?" asked the teenager.

"Nope, just me."

"Table seven."

* * *

Poor Willis had volunteered to arrange and decorate the party, so that Taima wouldn't have to worry about it.

 _He meant well_ , thought Eva, gazing around the ballroom.

The walls were decked out with handmade paper streamers that looked as though they were stolen from a kindergarten classroom. The tablecloths were in garish colors like magenta, brown, and mustard yellow. Horrifying, life-sized papier-mâché figures of Willis and Taima welcomed guests to the buffet table that featured a spread of Chinese take-out. There was a DJ by the dance floor spinning and head-banging to polka records.

The "centerpieces" were a few fake orchid flowers "artistically" strewn about on the table.

On the dance floor, Eddie was showing off his polka dance moves to his girlfriend, Phoebe, while Roxie and Rocky recorded it on their phones.

Taima and Willis sat at their own table up front. They were feeding each other bites of orange chicken and nuzzling noses.

Eva shared her table with Logan and his entourage. She had already been introduced, but she couldn't tell Shavon from Chevon.

Siobhan stood up. "I need to go to the restroom," she announced.

"Oh thank God! I didn't wanna go by myself," piped up Sheighvawn.

"I'm coming too!" said Chiffon...Or was it Chevon? It didn't matter, as the entire gaggle of women got up and left the table.

Eva and Logan exchanged looks.

"You brought the party with you, huh?" said Eva.

Logan chuckled. "It's a _very_ open polyamorous relationship. Lemme tell you, it's every bit as amazing as it sounds."

"Can't say I know how that sounds," said Eva. She looked around the party. "Man, did _everyone_ bring a date?"

Sitting next to Eva, Rob's mother was ranting in Cantonese about the "Chinese food." Rob stared dead-eyed into space, the very image of regret.

"Hey now, there isn't some rule book that says you can't come single," said Logan.

"Yes, I'd say you're in an enviable position, Eva," muttered Rob.

Still, this was a bad time for Eva to be surrounded by couples, or in Logan's case, a nontuple. Happy couples, no less. People who undoubtedly fit together.

 _"Eva. We're not right for each other. Not in that way."_

Before Eva could lose herself in yet another downward spiral, Eddie appeared, marveling at Logan's head-turning entourage who had just passed by. He clapped Logan on the shoulder.

"Daaaamn, dawg! You straight pimpin'!" Eddie blustered, his voice cracking.

"Shut the fuck up, Eddie."

"Yessiree dawg!"

Ever undeterred, Eddie turned to Eva. "Eva! You've hopped on the Logan train too?"

"Oh, no. We're just sitting at the same table," said Eva.

"I see, I see. Cool, cool. Hey, where's Neil?" probed Eddie.

Oh, bless Eddie and his unfailing knack for hitting your rawest nerves with a bulldozer.

"He's...not coming," replied Eva.

"Why? Where is he?"

* * *

"WHOOOO!"

Neil careened down a steep drop on a rollercoaster. Left! Right! Loop-de-loop! Corkscrew!

The rollercoaster thundered through empty space. On all sides, as far as the eye can see, swirled a miasma of shapeless color - like the surface of a bubble.

Neil's body was actually sitting in his office at Sigmund Corp, his special modified helmet on his head and a childish grin on his face. This was his world, and his alone. He relished the escape.

"Faye!" Neil yelled as the rollercoaster coasted to a smooth stop. He laughed from giddiness. "Make a note! Physics engine test is a success! Whooo!"

"Go build some kind of note-taking app. I'm not your secretary."

A scowling young woman materialized next to the rollercoaster, her arms folded.

"Isn't it, like, Saturday night?" asked Faye.

"Sometimes you just need a vacation from vacation, y'know what I mean? Besides, Rob wanted me to perfect our shiny new "Imagination" system, so I'm racking up overtime."

Neil Imagined a giant fist into existence. He fist bumped it. Boom! The giant fist burst into sparkles!

Faye shook her head. "I thought you've already worked out most of the kinks. You're just slacking off now."

"Um, excuse me. This is the exact opposite of slacking off, okay? I'm doing _extra_ work! Besides, you wouldn't even be here if I didn't work like a horse."

"Excuse you indeed. You need me - not the other way around; let's get that right."

"You're an easily re-writable block of code copied and pasted from Colin," quipped Neil.

"I'm the source code of your 'Imagination' system, dipwad," Faye parried.

"You're also a butt face."

"Your face is a butt face."

Neil stuck his tongue out; he was out of comebacks.

Rob had Neil test how well the machine's built-in physics engine worked on objects conjured up from pure imagination. Faye, a figment of imagination from a previous patient, was converted into a block of code that granted the user immense imagination capabilities. If these tests go well, they would no longer have to rely solely on the patient's sometimes faulty memory and the sometimes incomplete wiki of public data in order to fulfill wishes. The Sigmund agent would be able to "imagine" objects into existence on the spot. This could be a game changer, and thus had to be kept a secret - even from other Sigmund Corp employees.

"You like being needlessly difficult, don't you?" said Faye. "How does your partner stand you?"

Neil cast a steely look at Faye. "Don't make me do it."

"Do wha-"

A unicorn with Tommy Wiseau's face falls on Faye with a CRASH!

"You're in the way, my GAAWWWD!" bleated the unicorn.

Faye's health bar decreased somewhat on the interface. She shoved the unicorn off and healed herself. The health bar re-filled; she was unharmed but annoyed.

The unicorn climbed into the rollercoaster behind Neil. "Oh hi, person," it greeted.

Neil scratched his chin. "Hmm, that wasn't supposed to cause actual damage. Guess I need to tweak some code in the physics engine. But hey, once I finish the module for cartoon physics, you'll be squashed like a pancake! Anyway, one more go-around should do the trick!"

He hit the "Go" button on the rollercoaster dashboard, and launched away. They chugged up a hill.

Faye floated alongside Neil like a ghost. "Aww, did I strike a nerve when I mentioned your partner?" she mocked in a baby voice. "Did you guys get into a fight again? Is that why you're here on a Saturday night like a loser?"

"Whoo! Here it comes!" yelled Neil, raising his arms as the rollercoaster went over the peak of the hill.

They flew downward!

"I mean, I'm just a bunch of pixels and computer code, and even I know that you two oughta-"

"STOP!" screamed Neil.

"Geez, I was just joking," sulked Faye.

"No! STOP THE ROLLERCOASTER!"

Neil SLAMMED on the "Stop" button. The rollercoaster SCREECHED to a halt halfway down the slope. Neil could feel himself tip forward in the seat due to the simulated "gravity."

Far below them at the base of the hill was a giant brick wall intersecting the tracks.

* * *

Rob was arguing with his mother while his own wedding song - some cheesy 80's power ballad - played to a sparse dancing crowd. His mother interrogated him about why he hadn't married anyone yet.

Eva watched them as a way to put off the thing she was about to do. She had her phone in her hand; "Neil Watts" was on her screen - just one button away from a call. She felt that nervous electricity coursing through her body all over again.

She didn't know what she wanted to say. The possibility that confessing her feelings to him had irreparably damaged their relationship had been clawing her from the inside for the past two days. She couldn't take this anymore. She wanted things to go back to normal. She had only just gotten him back after weeks without him, and now she's lost him again. All because she had to spill her stupid, melodramatic guts.

They don't belong together. Of course they don't belong together. Neil was right. Their relationship was nothing like the relationships she saw in the party or her relationship with Craig. What was she thinking?

If she could only convince Neil that she's seen the error of her judgement, they could be friends again. Yes, that's it. That's what she wants. Friendship.

Her knees bounced nervously. She took a deep breath.

She called Neil's number.

* * *

 _Beep! Beep!_ Incoming call: Eva Rosalene.

The words projected in front Neil, startling him.

"Oh, speak of the devil," said Faye.

Neil was still suspended on the rollercoaster track.

He tried to answer the call. Nothing happened.

 _Beep! Beep!_ It continued to ring.

"What's wrong? Why can't I pick up?" said Neil, confused.

"When you stopped the rollercoaster, you somehow stopped all the machine's processes, including the communication. Your machine is essentially frozen until you hit "Go" again," explained Faye.

"If I hit 'Go', we head straight into the wall. And as Tommy here proved earlier, objects can actually damage us here."

The unicorn with Tommy Wiseau's face brayed in protest. "I did not hit her. I did nawwwt."

"Oh but you did, Tommy. You did," said Neil.

"I can heal myself," said Faye.

"I'm not worried about you; I'm worried about me! I don't have healing capabilities in this world! I can't risk corrupting my only avatar by getting it smashed to pieces!"

 _Beep! Beep! Bee-_ Click.

"I guess she hung up," said Faye, unconcerned.

"Dammit, I can't call her back either. Everything's frozen," said Neil.

He peered down below at the brick wall at the bottom of the slope. Was it just him or did it grow even larger? If they could just get rid of the brick wall first, then he could safely hit "Go" and restart the rollercoaster - along with all the other systems.

"Alright, Fey, see if you can use your laser blasty thingies to destroy that wall," ordered Neil.

"I will if you 'fess up to what you're really doing here on a Saturday night," teased Faye.

Neil shook his head. "This is why you don't give sentience to technology," he grumbled. "Alright! We do things my way then."

First, he tried to Imagine a cannon into existence. Nothing happened.

Second, he tried to Imagine a wrecking ball into existence. Nothing happened.

Third, he tried to get the Tommy Wiseau unicorn to charge into the wall. ("Don't be such a dumb face. I work for me," said Tommy.)

Finally, he tried to eject himself back into the real world. Nothing.

"Well, shit...I might actually be stuck here," muttered Neil.

Faye watched him with amusement. "Havin' trouble?" she sang.

"Is nothing else functional except the damn 'Go' button!?"

"It seems so. Or I might still have my - what were they called? - laser blasty thingies?"

Neil gave her a withering look. "Could you please help me out here? This is serious."

"Why are you here?"

"Why do you wanna know that?!"

"Because you're fascinating," said Faye, with a smile. "And also I have a theory..."

"Tell me what your theory is," said Neil.

Her smile only widened as she stared at him expectantly.

Neil groaned in frustration and slumped in his seat. He stared out into the miasma.

After minutes of silence...

"I'm running away from Eva," he muttered.

"Why?" asked Faye.

"Because..." What was this feeling welling up in his chest? "We might...get together if I see her again. I guess I was hoping to put some time and distance between us so that her feelings fade, and she can move on."

"You're waiting for her feelings to fade?"

"She's not really in love with me; this is just a short-lived infatuation of hers. She needs time and space to figure it out. So that's what I'm doing - giving her space. Are you happy now?"

He fixed Faye with a stony stare, daring her to pry further.

Below them, another layer of bricks appeared on the brick wall.

"But you're in love with her," said Faye quietly.

"What- How did you-"

"I'm literally connected to your head, dummy. Everything here is."

"Yeah, you're in love with her," Tommy, the unicorn, piped up.

"Shut up, Tommy," growled Neil. His patience was wearing thin very quickly.

"Are you telling the truth, Neil?" asked Faye.

"Of course I am."

"...I don't think you are."

"Well, that's all you're getting out of me."

"You mean that last ditch attempt to justify your cowardice?"

"What do you want from me?!" he spat at Faye. "What, do you want me to chase after Eva at an airport and beg her to stay? Do you want me to ride in on a hypothetical white horse and object to her hypothetical wedding to the hypothetical man of her dreams? I'm running out of rom-com tropes here, and if you'll notice, that list wasn't very long. I'm not cut out for romance, Faye. And that's not coming from a place of insecurity; that's coming from actual experience. Yeah, that's right; this ain't my first rodeo. I've wasted a lot of time and energy on people who've felt nothing for me but pity. Nothing! You hear me? I don't mean a damn thing to people, because I'm an asshole. An unapologetic, unsentimental asshole. And Eva knows this better than anyone. So how - the fresh - HELL could she have legitimate feelings for someone like me? Just thinking about it makes me...makes me..."

"Makes you scared?" said Faye.

So much vitriol erupted in Neil's head at once that he was rendered momentarily speechless. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this royally pissed off.

Below them, yet another layer of bricks appeared on the brick wall.

Faye sat herself next to Neil on the rollercoaster, staring down at the growing wall.

"Have you ever stopped to wonder why your patients never did the thing they end up wishing for on their deathbed?" she asked. "Everyone'll say that life just got in the way, but...I think the reason is much more internal. There's something...terrifying...about going after what you really want, especially when it's actually within reach. When the opportunity presents itself, more often than not, you hesitate, because changing your life for the better is still a scary change. And people will do everything in their power to avoid change, and all the uncertainty, rejection, and failure it comes with."

She looked Neil in the eye.

"I think you should hit the 'Go' button," she said.

Neil blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Hit the 'Go' button."

"But the wall - !" Neil sputtered.

"What about the wall?"

"What about the - Are you broken too?! It's a freaking wall! We could really hurt ourselves!"

"Well, two things are going to happen upon impact. Either you crash into it and stop in your tracks - hurting yourself. Or you crash _through_ it and continue on to the rest of the rollercoaster ride - still hurting yourself. The probability of pain is 100%. So, you can't factor in "pain" when making your decision. The only thing you have to decide is to press the 'Go' button or to stay here, staring at the big, scary wall forever."

Neil turned to stare down at the imposing wall. It looked incredibly solid.

"What'll happen when the wall breaks?" he asked nervously.

"I don't know," said Faye, nonchalantly.

"Spoken like someone who knows exactly what'll happen," mumbled Neil.

He gritted his teeth. This was insane! No one in their right mind would voluntarily launch themselves at a brick wall!

But this was a battle of wills now; him vs. the wall!

His heart pounded in his chest. His nerves crackled with electricity.

"Faye," he said.

"Yes?" she smiled.

He looked her in the eye with every ounce of sincerity.

"If I die here, I just want you to know...I've always hated you."

He slammed the 'Go' button.

All at once, a rapid succession of things occurred as the rollercoaster launched downward toward the wall:

First, a cannon popped into existence at the front of the rollercoaster and fired a cannon ball. It bounced off the wall before disappearing.

Second, a wrecking ball swung forward from behind them. Everyone screamed and ducked, as the wrecking ball _whooshed_ inches over their heads. It glanced off the wall before disappearing.

Third, Tommy Wiseau, the unicorn, leapt ahead of the diving rollercoaster to charge at the wall. He collided head-first and burst into ones and zeroes.

Finally - "Force eject initialized - 0% complete."

The wall hurtled toward them! Neil gripped the rollercoaster bar white-knuckled!

They were going to make it!

Back in the Sigmund Corp office, Neil's body gave an almighty shudder.

CRASH!

The rollercoaster smashed headlong into the brick wall! Everything everywhere hurt like hell. Both Neil's and Faye's health bars decreased to within an inch of their lives.

Neil clawed his way out of the rubble, coughing through the dust and smoke. He looked up.

The brick wall had several large cracks where the rollercoaster made impact. But it still stood. The rollercoaster, on the other hand, was completely destroyed.

Faye climbed out of the carnage and healed herself.

"You ok?" she asked.

"We couldn't even break the wall down," Neil croaked. "That was so not worth it..."

* * *

After several rings, Eva hung up, dejected. Neil was probably playing some video game, as was his usual Saturday night routine. This was stupid. Why was she doing this here and now? She oughta be enjoying herself. It's a party, for God's sake.

 _Cling cling cling cling cling!_ People tapped their wine glasses with their forks. Taima and Willis turned to each other and exchanged Eskimo kisses to raucous cheers and applause.

"How on Earth did they find each other?" Eva wondered aloud. "What are the odds that you actually meet someone _that_ perfect for you?"

"No idea," said Logan. "I don't even think it's a matter of finding anyone 'perfect' for you. No single person can fulfill all your needs, which is why I'm dating eight people. It's like dating the equivalent of a perfect person."

Logan chuckled at his own joke.

Eva looked around at all of her coworkers who had brought someone - even a nagging mother.

Roxie's wedding song - something from a Disney movie - played on the speakers. Roxie and her fiancé, Rocky, were also dancing together, lost in their own little world. All eight of Logan's girlfriends danced together in a huddle.

"I'm starting to think that finding someone you love, who _also_ happens to love you too, and who is _also_ compatible with you is like guessing all the winning numbers in the lottery. And I just came up one number short. How on earth did everyone else get so lucky? Even Eddie's got a girlfriend," she gestured to Eddie and Phoebe on the dance floor.

"Eva, have you ever considered the possibility of just...letting it be?" Logan asked gently. "So much of this is out of your control."

Eva looked at him. Letting it be?

 _Cling cling cling cling cling!_ rang the wine glasses.

"Speech! Speech!" someone in the crowd called out. It echoed around the room, until the entire party called for either Taima or Willis to make a speech.

Willis stood up. Everyone cheered.

"First of all, I want to thank everyone for coming to celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary with Taima and I. We're very grateful to be surrounded by a lifetime of family and friends. You've all played an important role in making our lives worth living."

"Aww"s and applause filled the room.

"With that said, some of you need a good 'ol fashioned 'talking to'!" Willis continued with a crooked smile. "You think I don't see your disgusted looks when I give Taima butterfly kisses or when she smacks my delicious ass? Think again!"

"Oh God, Willis, no," Eva muttered, mortified. Everyone else laughed.

"Taima and I have gotten a lot of flack throughout the years about our open expression of love to each other. But let me tell ya, boys and girls. Romance isn't some sickly sweet, eye-roll inducing nonsense. It's a form of honesty - perhaps the most revealing form of honesty there is. I've seen too many patients wish for that "one who got away," because they've allowed factors besides pure honesty steer them away from the one they love. But what do I know? I'm at my fiftieth wedding anniversary with my hot potato - my honey buns - my Taima. And I can think of no better way to blunder through one's life than to be this honest with her every single day I'm alive."

More "Aww"s.

"So suck it, millenials!" Willis bowed to laughter and applause, and gave Taima a passionate kiss with a lot of delicious ass-grabbing for good measure.

"Maybe if they get it all out of their system now, we won't be subjected to it at work as much, right Eva?" joked Roxie, mid-applause.

"Yeah..." mumbled Eva.

Honesty...Telling someone the truth...then letting it be?

Eva snuck away from the dance floor just as another song started up - a slow jam from Logan.

She left the ballroom and exited the hotel. The night was chilly; the breeze made her shiver. She took out her phone, and stared at Neil's number for a moment before hitting "Call".

She listened to an odd moment of complete silence, all too aware of her heart pounding in her chest.

It went straight to voicemail. A little disappointed, but undeterred, she mustered her courage.

"Hi Neil. It's me..." she began. "I can't imagine what you're up to right now, but I'm sure it's important...Who am I kidding? You're probably playing Star Craft or something. Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I just wanted to tell you..."

This is it. Whatever happens, happens.

"...that I still love you. I am 110% certain that I love you. I don't know how to guarantee that any further, but I promise you, I am absolutely in love with you, Neil Watts. With that said..."

She took a deep breath.

"...I'm giving you up. I'm putting this whole thing behind me. If you don't want a relationship with me, I'm willing to accept that. And you've already made your preference crystal clear...So, I guess this is where it ends...

"I won't guilt-trip you into being my boyfriend. You've always loved your freedom more than anything else. So you're free. Continue living the life you love. Be yourself - your nerdy, prickly, brutally honest self. The next time you see me, please joke with me, play a prank on me, hit me with one of your 'ninja strikes.' If that's all you and I are and will ever be...I'll be happy. Really. No hard feelings, okay? You'll always be my best friend, and I'll always be yours. I promise.

"If I could just ask you for one favor, though..." her voice began to quiver. "If you could just...If you could just come to the party. And dance with me. Just once. I know it's stupid. I know you hate stuff like this. But please...Just once. For me. Then you can do whatever you want with our relationship afterwards. If you don't want to...or you don't get this in time...I promise I'll never hold it against you or bring it up again. This'll be the last time I'll ask anything like this from you. I promise. This was just...something I've wanted for a long, long time. And I just wanted to experience it. Once. With you."

Her voice gave out, as if something was blocking it. She pushed forward.

"So, after tonight...I'm letting this all go. But fair warning, I won't be a closeted romantic anymore. Not around you or anyone else. That bit you'll just have to deal with."

She smirked a little.

"Anyway, I, uh...I'll see you later. Bye."

She hung up. And took a deep, shaky breath.

She did it.

* * *

Neil laid in the rubble - hands shaking, breath shallow, eyes wide - listening to every word of Eva's voice mail.

To be continued...


	3. Act 3 - Final

Force quit initialization: 80% complete.

Neil laid on top of the pile of rollercoaster rubble at the foot of the damaged brick wall for what felt like ages. He was reeling from Eva's voice mail.

She was giving him up? They were going back to normal? Back to being friends?

"Well, congrats," said Faye, fully healed and sitting next to him. "You got what you wanted; it sounds like she got over you. Will you allow yourself to see her now?"

Neil didn't answer. This was what he wanted - for this entire experience to be thrown behind him where it belonged. To bring their friendship back to sweet, sweet normalcy. To make whatever was gnawing at him from the inside ever since Eva told him she loved him to stop once and for all. To not have to break her heart by being himself.

Then why did that voice mail cut him so deep?

No, this was what he wanted. Of course, this was what he wanted. Because this was the right thing to do. And Eva knew it, too. They were both too smart to make the mistake of getting together. They saw the giant pothole ahead and agreed not to drive down that road. Right?

He looked at the wall. Why, in his right mind, did he press 'Go'? What was the point of crashing into the wall? Maybe he actually wanted it to stop him in his tracks. An idea struck him.

"You mentioned something about a theory," croaked Neil. "Am I allowed to hear it yet?"

Faye sighed and placed her hand on the wall.

"According to this asset's ID, this wall was apparently created by the Imagination system. But obviously, you didn't create this wall on purpose, so it had to have come from your subconscious," Faye mused. "I'm sure you've seen this before, where you've encountered literal roadblocks in the patient's memory."

"Yeah, it's usually some defense mechanism in the patient's psyche...or drugs," said Neil. "I wonder..."

"Wonder what?" said Faye.

Force quit initialization: 85% completed.

Neil stared hard at the wall. If it was true that this wall served as a defense mechanism...

He got unsteadily to his feet, closed his eyes, and thought about Eva. Her signature look of stern annoyance while trying not to crack with laughter at his antics. Her awkwardness around kids. The time they played a "Moon River" duet together in high school music class. The glint in her eyes whenever they discussed a new restaurant to try.

He opened his eyes.

The wall grew several layers of bricks taller. Faye's jaw dropped.

"How're you doing that?" she gasped.

"Well, that confirms it," said Neil. "I know what this wall is protecting me from."

He placed his hand on the wall. It felt old, like it had stood there for years. It probably got built the day he met Eva. Because just the idea of someone crazy enough to stick with him for all these years - longer than anyone he's ever known - gave rise to his biggest fear: needing to be loved by someone. And no one stoked that fear more than Eva.

Faye was right; nothing was more terrifying than going after what you really want. This wall - this sturdy, reliable wall - kept him safe from the things he wanted, by keeping the few people closest to him at an arm's distance.

His hands started to shake as a tentative thought peeked through. What will it take to break this wall down?

Force quit initialization: 95% completed.

He sighed. He was out of time.

"So, what're you gonna do now?" asked Faye.

Force quit initialization: 100% completed.

 _Force quitting..._

"I'm going to the party," said Neil, his vision turning more and more pixelated.

The last thing he saw before returning to his body was a single brick falling off of the wall.

* * *

Eva swayed joylessly on the dance floor in the arms of Taima's nephew, What's-his-face. He was some thirty-something manager at a fast food joint. Neither of them had any rhythm, so they just stepped awkwardly from side to side like pre-teens.

She looked over at Taima, who beamed back at them with tears in her eyes. She gave Eva the thumbs up. Eva smiled weakly back, then sighed.

The song ended. What's-his-face let her go and scratched his ear.

"Thanks for the dance," he mumbled. "Er, what was your name again? Sorry, I can't hear very well. I produce a lot of earwax."

"Shavonne," said Eva. "I'm one of Logan's girlfriends."

"Oh! Oh God. I'm so sorry. I-I had no idea. Aunty just told me..."

"It's alright. Run along now."

He walked away. And left the building. And drove off. And never contacted Eva again.

Eva checked the clock on the wall. The night was winding down. Everyone had already played their wedding songs; the DJ just played generic party songs at this point.

Neil still hadn't shown up.

He's not going to show up, she told herself for the tenth time. The Neil she knew wouldn't show up in a million years.

She walked to the DJ, and motioned to the microphone.

"May I?" she asked.

The DJ gave her the go-ahead and cut the music. She took the mic.

"Ahem...Uh, hi, everyone," she said, wincing at the sound of her own voice coming from the speakers. "Mind if I give a little speech?"

Everyone graciously returned to their seats.

"First off, I just want to thank Taima and Willis for inviting me to their fiftieth wedding anniversary. And for showing us that love does exist. That it's not some unattainable thing that can only happen in TV or movies, but that it's real and possible and right in front of us."

Taima and Willis turned to each other and kissed. Applause.

Eva looked at her feet, nervous. "I, uh...I never gave you guys my wedding song, because I thought I wanted to keep it to myself. Well, that's not the point of wedding songs, is it? To keep it to yourself? ...Anyway, I'd like to share my song with you, if you don't mind."

The crowd exchanged curious looks. Taima led Willis by the hand to the dance floor. She placed Willis's hand on her waist and took his other hand, before giving Eva the "ready when you are" nod.

Eva turned away from the microphone to ask the DJ if he happened to have the song. He scrolled through his playlist and shook his head.

Eva sighed. "Well, I guess I'll just...sing it then."

"I don't have the karaoke version either," said the DJ.

"Alright, well, then it'll be acapella," said Eva.

The crowd murmured excitedly. Taima and Willis exchanged intrigued looks. Eva gulped. She had never sung in front of anyone before, let alone her wedding song. She wasn't sure if she was even any good.

But something inside her wanted to do this. Just one last thing before her heart can break in peace.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and blocked out everyone in the room. The murmurs died down. She was all alone. Just her and complete silence. She came to this party alone, and she spent this entire party alone. And now she was about to sing to no one in particular, like a prayer in the dead of the night.

Then in an imperfect voice, barely above a cracking whisper, she began to sing a song from her distant past. The one she had imagined she would dance to on her wedding day...

...with Neil.

"Moon River  
Wider than a mile  
I'm crossing you in style  
Someday."

In her mind's eye, Eva saw herself dancing with Neil on the deserted dance floor.

"You dream maker  
You heart breaker  
Wherever you're going  
I'm going  
Your way."

The dancing pair moved gracefully around the room like ghosts.

"Two drifters  
Off to see the world  
There's such a lot of world  
To see.

"We're after the same  
Rainbow's end  
Waiting 'round the bend  
My Huckleberry friend.

Moon River  
...And me."

The dancing pair faded away. She felt herself finally letting them go.

It was over now.

She opened her eyes. A tear crawled down her cheek.

It took a few seconds of applause to fully bring Eva back to reality. There were Taima and Willis clapping from the dance floor, touched and beaming. There in the crowd were Roxie and Rocky, cheering. There were Eddie and Phoebe, whistling. There was Rob, hiding from his mother. There was Logan, looking impressed, while his girlfriends clapped in unison.

And there was Neil, standing in the crowd.

Eva's mouth fell open. It was really him. He actually showed up. Everything she had assumed about Neil fell away in that moment. What was he doing here?

She walked toward him tentatively, as if he were a mirage. Their eyes never left the other's face. He walked up to meet her on the dance floor. All eyes were on them, but Eva didn't notice.

" _That_ was your wedding song?" he mocked.

"You're actually here..." Eva croaked.

"Yeah, well, y'know..." Neil mumbled.

He took off his glasses, folded them, and put them in his pocket. He had never taken off his glasses in front of Eva before. The sight of his unobstructed green eyes startled Eva almost as much as his sudden appearance.

She looked away, unable to maintain eye contact with him.

She wiped her eyes. "Look, I'm sorry if that embarrassed you, but - "

He kissed her.

It was warm, comforting, passionate, desperate, and irrational. All the logistics of relationships flung aside, they were simply two lonely people who have clung to each other for nearly half their lives and wanted nothing more than to cling tighter.

The party erupted into applause.

"FINALLY!" screamed Roxie, furiously posting on social media with tears in her eyes.

"I win the bet! Cough up, mo' fuckers!" cheered Logan. The rest of their coworkers pulled out their wallets.

"Damn, I was hoping Neil would be busy tonight," said Rob, handing Logan $20.

"Wait, they haven't already gotten together?" panicked Eddie. "Aw man, then what did they do with the toaster I got them last Christmas?!"

Taima and Willis came over to congratulate them. Willis clapped Neil on the shoulder, saying "My boy!", while Taima hugged Eva.

"I'm so proud of you," she said in Eva's ear, beaming.

Eva hugged Taima back. "Thanks Taima. For everything."

The DJ took the microphone. "Um, so I'm out of songs to play...so how about a polka encore?"

He played Eddie's cheesy wedding song again. Everyone immediately flooded the dance floor.

Eva and Neil looked at each other. An energy crackled between them - the kind of energy they had felt on multiple key moments throughout their lives. For all the changes they went through, all the potholes they encountered, and all the mistakes they made for the rest of their lives - that energy never changed. Their nonsensical, dysfunctional, life-long bond was truly the most powerful and liberating feeling they would ever experience.

Eva held out her hand to Neil and cocked her head toward the dance floor, radiating with confidence.

Neil marveled at her, a grin spreading across his face.

He took her hand, and they danced the night away.

* * *

 _Falling for someone is like getting on a rollercoaster that's hurtling full speed toward a brick wall. You see the brick wall in front of you. You know it's going to hurt when you crash into it - it might even be fatal. But somehow, stupidly, you hit the 'Go' button anyway. And you launch forward at full speed. The wall rushes toward you. You can't stop._

 _Then two things are going to happen: You're either going to smash into that brick wall and the rollercoaster stops. Or, you smash through the wall, and the rollercoaster continues its wild and crazy ride beyond. The outcome is ultimately out of your hands, but whatever you do..._

 _Break._

 _Down._

 _Your._

 _Wall._

* * *

Epilogue

Strewn about the rollercoaster tracks are bits of debris where the brick wall once stood. Now, it had been reduced to dust.

Beyond lies the thrilling twists, turns and loops of the rollercoaster.

Beyond, the rollercoaster ride continues.

 _The end_

* * *

 **Author's note:**

I am obviously not Henry Mancini. "Moon River" is his song. But you guys knew that. ;)

Hope you enjoyed this fic! :D


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